I woke early this morning compelled to share with you all some of the events in my blended family this weekend.
Can you recall when you last missed someone so much it hurt?

I have experienced that on several occasions over the years and more recently, with my father. Dad survived Viral Encephalitis in 2021 however he has lost most of his adult memories as a result of the brain infection. For me, this means I have my father in my life still, but he doesn't recall my childhood or the many years of special times we have had together since then, including the birth of his granddaughter. In fact, sometimes I fear he isn't 100% sure who I am. At times, the grief is completely overwhelming BUT I have found great solace in the concept of 'bridging' this new sense of psychological separation from him.

Bridging the divide (coined by Dr Gordon Neufeld) is essentially an attachment practice that focuses on what connects us rather than divides us. It helps us to hold on to those we are attached to when we are apart (physically & psychologically).

There are so many creative ways we can 'bridge' with our children and each other, and I find myself exploring this frequently with parents in my coaching sessions, helping them find beautiful bridging rituals that work for their family.

Ultimately, I see bridging as a way to keep the 'heart rope' strong but it also reduces our children's anxiety as well.

So, as I felt the pull of grief this weekend after visiting my father I grabbed one of his old t-shirts from his wardrobe and have been wearing it to sleep in! I have also been listening to some music he shared with me and as if by magic, he is with me; the heart rope feels stronger!

There has also been an emotional farewell for our family this weekend as my eldest stepdaughter has left for University. We all felt wobbly so I facilitated a t-shirt swap between my girls and gave my eldest an ornament of mine to take with her that she had coveted since we first came into each other's lives 12 years ago!

Once again, bridging saved the day and we all found it easier to say goodbye as we waved her off.

Our children face separation from us daily and it can be incredibly supportive to do some bridging with your child in the morning before you are parted (childcare/school) so that they can have a strong sense of holding on to you during the day.

Remember, your child has been separated from you during their sleep hours and now there is that short amount of time before they will be separating from you again. Connecting with your child during the morning is key, it may seem like a difficult task during the busy morning, but it doesn’t need to take long at all, it’s just tweaking the little things that you do already do.

When you greet your child first in the morning let them know how delighted you are to see them, how you checked on them in the night (bridges back over the separation during sleep), maybe have a shared moment over breakfast. Those sleepy morning cuddles and tender moments mean so much for connection.

It can be helpful to mention to your child some key moments during their day when you will be thinking of them i.e., lunch time, as it really helps them feel their attachment with you despite the temporary separation of the school day.

There are further simple things you can do to help your child hold on to you, for example putting a note in your child’s school lunch or giving them a photo or possession of yours to keep in their school bag.

Bridging in the morning before school to the time when you will see them again is always well received as it puts the focus on the return rather than the separation; try and be specific about something you will do together after school and then when you pick them up you can remind them “remember I said we would do this together? I have been looking forward to it all day!”. There is absolutely no need for grand gestures here it can be as simple as sitting and having a snack together and doing some colouring or reading.

A wonderful book to pick up is The Invisible String by Patrice Karst. It talks about the heart connection we all hold with those we love, even when we can’t be with them physically.

A relationship is forever, as long as we know how to hold on when apart and I am realizing now that I need the bridging as much as my children do!