Is Trying to be the Perfect Mom Hurting your Kids?

How you feel as a mama has a huge impact on your child. I know you want the best for them – and one of the best ways you can love them is to stop trying to be the perfect mom. Put on your own oxygen mask first and care for yourself well.

Modern motherhood has become synonymous with sacrifice, hardship and exhaustion.

Not only does it not have to be that way, but this pattern is dangerous and undermines your parenting in so many ways.

Your (mental) health matters. You must focus on your needs first.

I feel like the canary in the coal mine, trying to tell you that the air in your house isn’t healthy. I want to warn you of danger.

I want to start with making it clear that I know that you have been doing the best that you can, parenting in a really crazy time in history.

The whole point of Great Parenting Simplified is to show you the way less traveled where parenting can be better than ever in so many ways.

You deserve to love parenting but if you continue down the self-sacrificing road, both you and your kids will suffer.

Without this knowledge, you are likely to continue trying harder, like the beautiful shero you are, when what is needed is to get on the way less traveled.

What is needed is to stop trying to be the perfect mom!

You feel trapped. You want off the roller-coaster. You hate that parenting isn’t near as fun, the outcomes are so uncertain and you hate how you are showing up.

I know this is hard – and it needs to be addressed.

Are you trying to raise your kids with:

  • excellent nutrition,
  • the right amount of sleep,
  • a clean and hygienic house all of the time,
  • perfect relationships with all functional people,
  • minimal EMFs from devices,
  • a focus on making sure everyone is happy all the time,
  • the goal of them always doing well in school, their activities etc
  • empathy and caring
  • all while being willing to almost kill yourself to make the above happen?

You are on the wrong track.

Yes, I said on the wrong track.

I’m not saying that nutrition, sleep, good relationships, etc., aren’t important. They are.  What I am saying is that overfocusing on these things in the short term and stressing about them, instead of backing up and seeing what’s even more important IN THE BIG PICTURE, is not working for anyone.

You are stressed out and your stress is driving what you want further away.

Your stress is actually part of the problem.

My underlying message is you need to deal with your worries, your fears, your stress, your anxiety so that what I’m about to share doesn’t become a real risk in your family.

 You need to build the supportive village that you and your children need.

(That can include learning Why Asking for Help is a Huge Gift, as well as challenging the idea that doing it on your own, is better.  And it certainly involves getting support from your immediate family, including your co-parent if you have one.)

We need to look at what’s really going on.

Part of my role as an educator and a coach is to help you see the bigger picture. So often nowadays, us parents are anxiously following each other down the wrong path.

Do you know what the #3 cause of death is, according to the CDC, for kids ages 5 to 14?

It isn’t cancer, nutrition, lack of sleep, EMFs, abduction-related, etc.

It’s suicide.

How does the growing suicide rate relate to our anxiety about being the perfect mom?

Our mental state is a large part of the atmosphere that our children are being raised in. They absorb our thoughts and feelings, regardless of how hard we try to present only the positive. So if we are having anxious and depressed thoughts because of how we are failing to provide the perfect home for them, they are sucking those thoughts in.

If we are struggling with self-judgment and criticism, there is a good chance our kids are picking this up as judgment of them. (I talk more about this on my FB Live.).

Death by suicide is almost always preceded by mental illness.

Yes, nutrition and other factors can play a role in anxiety and depression, but our anxiety (and depressed thoughts) about our children and their future, plays a huge role.

Often we aren’t conscious of that we even are anxious, or how much anxiety we really have in our lives. We feel that we have to cook every meal from scratch, provide a perfect environment, mold our kids into perfect humans. There is so much pressure on us mamas from all sides to do more and be better.

I had a strategy session with “Organic Mama” who tried so hard to be perfect but whose daughter won’t eat with her anymore. I’ve met moms who slave for hours over meals only to throw the bowl of soup at their child in frustration. We need to get honest about what is happening. (And a fascinating fact is our children don’t digest food well, no person does, if they don’t feel connected and safe.)

To be an amazing mom (not a “perfect mom”), put your oxygen mask on first.

This is a wake up call to start taking care of yourself! Maybe YOU need a play date. Or maybe YOU need some more sleep.

Maybe what you need is to finally ask for help.

If this is the case, my team and I are offering some free strategy sessions for moms who might be a good fit for 1-1 coaching or our inner circle program.

These free coaching sessions are designed to help you get clear on where you are, where you want to go, and how you can shift course to make it there. If coaching isn’t a good fit, we will talk about other options that can help you and your precious kiddos. 

Answer a few quick questions and then you’ll get the booking information for your free Great Parenting Simplified Coaching Session with me or one of my trained parenting coaches.

Much love to you sweet mama. You are a shero, and I see how hard you are trying. I love helping you to back off in the short term, to have way better results in the long term.

Nothing helps our kids more than having a happy mama. And you SOOOOOO deserve it.

xoxo,

Jacqueline